10 Signs it Might Be Time to Divorce

10 Signs it might be Time to Divorce by Joe and Cheryl Dillon are co-founders of Equitable Mediation Services, a divorce mediation firm that specializes in helping couples divorce peacefully, cost-effectively and fairly - without lawyers.

Knowing when to divorce can be difficult, and it's a decision that shouldn't be taken lightly. So how do you know if you should proceed? How can you be sure that this time is really it? That this time there's no turning back?

While there's no magic answer for when to get a divorce, here are 10 signs it might be time to take that next step:

1.) You're convinced that you'd be better off alone.

It's perfectly normal as we grow older to pine for the careless days of youth gone by. When we were living in that 4th floor walkup in Chicago, eating Ramen noodles by ourselves without a care in the world.

But if you're married and are convinced that being on your own again would be better than staying in an unhappy marriage, it might be time to get a divorce.

2.) Your needs are no longer being met.

Marriage is a partnership, and each spouse should be doing their part to fulfill the needs of the other -- physically, emotionally and spiritually. When this is no longer happening or it's become one-sided, it might be time to call it quits.

3.) You're only staying together for the kids.

"Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage
and teaching your children the wrong things about love." - Jennifer Weiner

Children are very smart. They know more than you think they do, and they can sense animosity a mile away. More importantly, children grow up to emulate the relationships they saw when they were younger. Do you really want them to grow up thinking the type of relationship you currently have with your spouse is normal or healthy?

If you don't, it may be time to end the marriage.

4.) You've tried counseling, but you still can't seem to come together.

Often the realization of when to divorce comes after admitting that sometimes things just don't work out no matter how hard you try. Counseling requires a commitment by both spouses to work on, improve and (gasp!) change their behaviors for the greater good of the marriage.

If you are working to get the marriage back on track, but your spouse isn't, then it might be time to move on without them.

5.) You're being abused.

Whether it's emotional or physical, abuse is something no one should have to put up with.

If you believe you are a victim of abuse, you may consider calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

6.) You think of your marriage as "the lesser of two evils."

If you're only staying with your husband or wife because you think it's easier than having to start over and find someone new, chances are your relationship is in serious trouble.

7.) You no longer trust or respect your spouse.

A strong marriage is based on trust, understanding and mutual respect.

If you've lost all respect or no longer trust your spouse, it may be a sign that it's time to move on.

8.) You think it's "cheaper to keep her (or him)"

There's no doubt that two households are more expensive to run than one. And divorce only creates expense, not income.

But if the only reason you're still together is financial, it may be time to draw up a budget, get your finances in order and make it on your own.

9.) You're worried about what your friends or family will think.

For some, divorce can be an embarrassment or a failure. But if you believe nothing can be done to save your marriage and the only thing preventing you from moving forward with a divorce is worrying about what your friends or family will think, it might be time to follow your own intuition.

You deserve to be happy. And if the people you're worried about truly care for you as they should, they'll support your decision, regardless of their own personal opinions on divorce.

10.) You're being unfaithful to your spouse.

Many people think of an affair as a physical relationship. But you're kidding yourself if you think emotionally charged Facebook chats or texting exchanges with ex-boyfriends or girlfriends are harmless. You've just exchanged one kind of an affair for another.

If you're cheating on your spouse physically or emotionally, it might be time to give your spouse the respect they deserve and get a divorce so you both can find happiness.

At the end of the day, only you can determine if you should get a divorce. It's a personal decision that should be made with careful thought and consideration.

But if one or more of the items on this list is true for you, and you think it's time to take the next step, you owe it to yourself to learn the best way to tell your spouse you want a divorce so you can keep things as peaceful as possible and do what's best for you, your spouse and your children.

Joe and Cheryl Dillon are co-founders of Equitable Mediation Services, a divorce mediation firm that specializes in helping couples divorce peacefully, cost-effectively and fairly - without lawyers.

"I Know Divorce" Blog by Abby King

"And yet, at the same time, your ex doesn't totally go away either. The daily dramas do turn into weekly ones, and no one, including yourself, wants to hear your same old s**t. But there are times when you need to talk it out, you need a dose of sanity from a trusted source. Usually as soon as humanly possible so you rapidly fire off a few texts. Flipping that on it's head, the good days bring even more moments of desired urgent sharing. When something great happens to you or your kids, you want to share the pride, joy, relief and success. So you email this one and call that one. If they haven't lived it, if they sleep next to someone every night and have that guaranteed daily source of connection, it's likely that this one and that one won't respond with any urgency."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/abby-king/post_9540_b_7531724.html

Don't Make These 3 Huge Mistakes During Divorce

Remember that it doesn't just affect you, but your kids as well.

You just filed for divorce and you're feeling overwhelmed. After being married for so many years, getting used to the idea that you're no longer together is hard.

You try detaching yourself from the situation in the hopes that it'll help you move on, but you know that the reality is that your ex will always be around because of your kids.

You argue constantly, which just succeeds in reminding you why you're getting a divorce in the first place.

When you're caught up in the moment, it's easy to forget that your divorce doesn't just affect you, but your kids as well. That's what makes having an amicable divorce that much more crucial.

Authors John Gray and Charles J. Orlando, Relationship Help Doctor Rhoberta Shaler, Shannon Rios Paulsen LMFT, and Jennifer Maddox LCSW  discuss different mistakes that you must avoid making at all costs. Protect your kids from going through an even more heartbreaking experience.

1. Take responsibility for your marriage ending.

Shannon stresses that you must hold yourself accountable for what happened between the two of you. She says "When you're not responsible, you play the blame game. [...] Well, you have to bring it to yourself and say 'What was my role in this?' Because if you don't do that, you can't learn, you can't grow, you can't create the next level best relationship."

2. Don't EVER bash your ex, especially in front of the kids.

We know it's incredibly tempting to lash at your ex about every grievance during your marriage, but it'll only hurt you and your kids in the end. John raises the excellent point that "it's hard to say nice things about [your ex but] you have to be motivated to. And the motivation is your children. [...] You look at these innocent little children, and half of that child is daddy, and [the other half] is mommy."

3. Constantly arguing puts your kids in a tough spot.

You may think that you're being subtle, but your kids can sense when something's not right. Don't ever put them in the awkward position of having to listen to you two fight.

There are countless other mistakes that couples often make when getting a divorce that could just as easily be avoided. You can check out the video for the rest of them and make sure that you're not in danger of repeating them.

Written by: By YourTango Experts, Charles J. Orlando, John Gray, Shannon Rios Paulsen, Jennifer Maddox, Rhoberta Shaler, PhD The Relationship Help Doctor

http://www.yourtango.com/2015276703/dont-make-these-3-huge-mistakes-during-divorce-video

Are you losing sleep over your Divorce?  You are not alone.  A study from our own University of Arizona shows that losing sleep during a highly stressful time such as a divorce can cause major health concerns.  The University of Arizona team gives advice in this article as to how to reclaim your sleep cycle.

www.oldpueblofamilylaw.com

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/galtime/tossing-and-turning-over-_b_5695286.html

Advice on breaking the news of your divorce to your parents. There are some very wise nuggets of advice in here.

http://www.heraldnet.com/article/20140819/LIVING/140819169/Advice-on-breaking-divorce-news-to-parents

www.oldpueblofamilylaw.com

Tucson Family Law

Family law encompasses a variety of legal issues.  It typically describes issues that deal with family-related matters and domestic relations, including: marriage, civil unions, and domestic partnerships; adoption and surrogacy; the termination of relationships and ancillary matters, like divorce, annulment, property settlements, spousal maintenance (typically termed alimony), legal decision making for children (child custody), parenting time (visitation) and child support.  It also deals with parenting issues with unmarried parties or “special paternity cases.”

Family law varies from state to state.  Among others, there is a difference between “community property” states and “non community property” states with regard to division of assets in a divorce.  What most people do not know is that procedures vary greatly even from county to county.  Requirements as to what paperwork that is included with each family law filing differs from Maricopa county to Pima county to Santa Cruz county etc.  These are called “local rules.”  Many of the bigger counties have checklists for people looking to file each action for themselves.  The problem these people often run into presents itself when the two parties disagree on one point or another, at which point the checklist offers the belated suggestion, “you should seek the advice of an attorney.”  In fact it is best to consult an attorney before any action is filed that knows the intricacies of filing in that particular state and in that particular county.

In many cases the outcome of a family law issue can impact the rest of that individual’s life.  Many clients enter my office with final decrees that have devastated them and they want to know what they can do about it.  In some cases, such as those in which a decree has declared an issue such as spousal maintenance “non-modifiable” it is extremely hard to reverse.  The lesson behind this blog is that Tucson family law is a unique jurisdiction with its own legal intricacies. You need an attorney who is both experienced and familiar with the potential pitfalls and entanglements that present themselves along the way.

My number one recommendation is call a family law attorney for a consultation. Specifically, I’d recommend you call me. Lets sit down together and discuss your unique case and your unique needs. It costs you nothing, and you have a lot to gain. For a free consultation with an experienced family law attorney call me, Riisa Petersen at Petersen Law Firm PLLC at 520-631-3286.

Information provided should not be construed as legal advice nor the formation of an attorney/client relationship